Homer Stories Part 3

This is the third in my series of Homer stories. I hope you like these as much as I do!

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While playing with his toys, Homer arranged them just so, and told me, “These are their houses. Here’s Nonna, Uncle Garth, Abuela, a bath tub, and Mommy.”


One morning, Ashton threw up in his crate, and it was quite a big deal to Homer. He kept telling everyone! It was during a time when Ashton had a lot of accidents inside, too, and had peed on the carpet several times that week. Homer tried telling Uncle Garth about it one afternoon and he said, “He peeped. I mean.. he pee.. peeped. He.. peeped. Well, the truth is… Ashton throwed up.”

It made me laugh, because I really thought that last time, he was going to get it and say “peed” but he just went a totally different direction!


With total excitement: “I peed from my penis!!”


He asked what the white spots on the ground were, so I told him: bird poop. As we walked out of the park, Homer kept noticing it, and there were quite a few spots of it. He shouted, “Someone call the police, there’s bird poop at Grass Lawn Park!”


When Homer’s cousin Crissa, and her boyfriend, Joe, came to town, we all went out to dinner at a Thai restaurant. During dinner, Homer tried to swallow too big a bite of his Pad Thai noodles and choked. I hopped up and pulled him out of his high chair, positioning him to do the heimlich, when he gagged and threw up all over the high chair and the floor. It was pretty crazy for all of us! He talked about it to anyone who would listen for several weeks. He’d say, “I got something important to tell you. I throwed up at the Thai food place.” He would tell us daily, or Nonna, whether in person or on the phone, and anyone I chatted with, a neighbor, strangers at the park, the cashier at Trader Joe’s.

Around the same time frame, we went to Kid’s Cove at the mall, with the rubbery floor, and rubbery stuff to climb. I had tried to remind him what it was one day, by saying, “That place with all the squishy stuff to climb,” so it then became known as The Squishy Place. Well, he was playing and having fun, so I sat on the bench watching him, and a couple minutes later, I heard crying. His back was to me, so it took me a second to realize it was him! I went over and he was crying really hard, and finally I made out what he said, “A kid BITED me!”

I had to look, but looking is almost worse than the actual injury, in Homer’s eyes, so he’s screaming, “Don’t LOOK AT ME!” while I tried to inspect his wound.

It turned out that Homer hadn’t even seen who’d bitten him. It was just a crowded boat with a lot of kids trying to get past each other, and one kid objected to Homer being where he was and bit him in the back. My poor kiddo!

So, then it became, to anyone who would listen. “I got two important things to tell you…” And they’d say, “Okay,” and Homer would start walking in a circle, half muttering this story he told and re-told. “I was at the squishy place, and crawled on some things, and a kid BIT me. And my other story is… I was at the Thai place and I throwed up EVERYWHERE.”

An additional funny thing about the Thai place story is that on the drive home, Crissa, her boyfriend, Joe, and I were all talking, and Joe mentioned bartering. Homer said, “BARTER!! What’s that?”

Crissa and Joe explained, “It’s like trading.” And Homer said, “Oh I thought it was like BARFING!”


Another night, we ordered Thai food at home and made sure to cut up the Pad Thai into much smaller pieces. Joe had a rice dish that was spicy level 4 out of 5. (They only do spicy scales from 0-5 up here in Washington, which is interesting.) Homer wanted to try a bite, so we let him. I cringed, waiting for a huge reaction. He chewed his bite, swallowed, then said, “Water.” We handed him his cup, and he drank a lot. Then put it down, sighed, and picked up his fork for another bite. He is definitely his father’s son!!! I’m glad he likes spicy food, it’s pretty awesome!


Homer started saying, “No problemo!” in many situations. I finally realized he picked it up from his new favorite show, Justin Time. Which Homer always calls Justin in Time. 😉


Homer saw Ashton try to lick the cat’s butt, and when I said, “Ew, Ashton, come on!”, Homer giggled and got down on the floor to try to lick Tails’s butt himself. Joe’s and my loud shouts of “NOOOOOOOO!” were only met with mischievous laughter. Oh, Homer.


Homer had fallen asleep in the car, so I gently carried him inside and laid him in the bed. Once he was down, he opened his eyes and said, “I want to liiieee dooowwwwwwn!!!!” I said gently, “You are.” He closed his eyes and instantly fell back asleep.

My sweet, crazy kid.

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