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Homer Stories Part 4

More Homer stories! Here we go!

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One of the tires in our car had a slow leak, and for a week or two, I put new air in the tire every 4 days, until we finally got a set of new tires. Until we did, though, Homer became familiar with my saying the car needed air. One day, he said, “Mommy, I’m going to help put new air in the car!”

“Oh, you are? Okay, baby!” I said, opening his door.

As he got in, he surprised me by taking deep breaths and blowing them out really quickly. I like that he thought blowing his breath into the car is just what it needed!

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When we meet up with friends at various play places, sometimes he spontaneously goes over and hugs his friends. SO sweet!

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Before heading over to Kids’ Cove again (aka, the squishy place), Homer had asked if he could be “Super naked,” there. This is as opposed to “diaper naked.” Super naked means fully naked, of course. I said, no, that being super naked was just for at home. When we got to Kids’ Cove, he pointed at the sign of all the rules and said, “See? That says, ‘Yes, naked people are allowed in the squishy place.'”

Nice try, kid!

The first time he ever did that reading-the-signs thing was when we were at Safeway and he said he didn’t want to be there. I said I know, and he just had to be patient. He pointed to a sign that said, “Tillamook Cheese, $5.99” and said, “Mommy, see? This sign says, ‘It’s time to GO HOME!'”

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At IHOP one morning, Homer tried putting the crayons in between his fingers. Then he said to me very seriously, “I am pretending to be Wolverine, but it’s not working out.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I’m not Wolverine,” he said matter of factly.

“Well, pretending to be something doesn’t mean you really turn into it. It means you just act like something, you pretend that you’re Wolverine, or whatever you want to be, but you’re still really you.”

“Oh,” he said, brightening. “Yeah! I guess you’re right!”

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Me: Bah!!
Homer: What’s wrong, Mommy?
Me: I just can’t find my phone…
Homer: Well, just retrace your steps!
Me: (totally surprised) Oh! Okay. Actually, that’s a really good idea, thanks, Homer!
Homer: Okay. Okay. Now… WHERE was the last place you had it?
Me: (astonished) Um… Well, I know I had it in the bathroom…
Homer: Let’s check there first!

He ran off and I followed him, and there it was on the bathroom counter!

What the heck?! It turned out that he had gotten it from one of his shows, either Daniel Tiger, or Justin Time, I can’t remember which now. But it was so cute and unexpected!!! My mom always said that to me when I was a kid, so it was really funny hearing it from my own kid!

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One day, in the same day, he used “realize” and “prefer” totally correctly, and for the first time each! He said, “Oh I thought Ashton had the red leash, but I wee-a-wized it was the black one.” I love the way he says it, since his r’s and l’s are still pronounced as w’s much of the time. And then “prefer” was for a snack I think. I asked if he wanted a fruit leather and he said, “Well, I pwefer the crackers.” Hehe!

The absolute best was on the drive to take Joe to work in the morning, Joe and I were chatting away when suddenly, Homer said, “Guys! Guys, guys…”

“Yes, Homer?”

“Guys. I just wee-a-wized something. Fire. Melts. ICE!”

We laughed and said, “Yes, that’s true!”

Joe said to me softly, “Living with a three year old is like living with someone who is always high.”

And that really cracked me up!!!

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Speaking of Homer’s use of big words… During a diaper change one evening, Homer said, “No! No wipes! Stop! My butt is expensive!”

I stopped and laughed and said, “What??”

“My butt is expensive.”

“What does expensive mean?”

“It means you can’t touch it!”

Hahahaah!! How many times have I told him not to touch expensive things in the store, or my expensive camera?? Oh man. It’s amazing how they take concepts and apply them to other things!

It reminded me so much of my niece, Ruby, at this age, standing in a square of sunlight on her kitchen floor. “You can see right through me!” she said.

“Yeah, wow!”

“I’m eff-ih-den.”

“What?”

“Daddy, what’s that word? From Madeleine?”

“Oh, evident!” my brother, Wyatt, said. And then he explained to me that he had told her it means, “clear.” Like, “it’s clear that this is true.” Evident. But she meant clear, as in see-through clear. So amazing, I love it!

“My butt is expensive,” is not as refined an example as Ruby’s use of evident, but hey, each kid is a little different!! 😉

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We took Ashton with us to Daddy’s work one day for lunch. Ashton loved Cara, one of Joe’s co-workers and rolled over for belly rubs. Homer said helpfully, “Remember: don’t touch his penis!”

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One time while I was in the shower, Homer came up and said, “Mommy will you make me eggs?”

“Sure, when I get out of here,” I said.

“Oh. ‘Cause I want eggs.”

I peeked out of the shower door and he was holding a fresh carton of a dozen eggs in his hands. I asked him to put them *carefully* back in the refrigerator, and luckily, he did. Whew!

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Another time, I was on the toilet, and Homer barged in, saying, “Mommy!! You have to rescue Princess Peach and Mario!” (his dolls)

“Oh. Well.. I can’t right now. You go rescue them!”

“Mommy! I can’t! You’re the only one they trust!!!”

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Homer Stories Part 3

This is the third in my series of Homer stories. I hope you like these as much as I do!

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While playing with his toys, Homer arranged them just so, and told me, “These are their houses. Here’s Nonna, Uncle Garth, Abuela, a bath tub, and Mommy.”

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One morning, Ashton threw up in his crate, and it was quite a big deal to Homer. He kept telling everyone! It was during a time when Ashton had a lot of accidents inside, too, and had peed on the carpet several times that week. Homer tried telling Uncle Garth about it one afternoon and he said, “He peeped. I mean.. he pee.. peeped. He.. peeped. Well, the truth is… Ashton throwed up.”

It made me laugh, because I really thought that last time, he was going to get it and say “peed” but he just went a totally different direction!

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With total excitement: “I peed from my penis!!”

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He asked what the white spots on the ground were, so I told him: bird poop. As we walked out of the park, Homer kept noticing it, and there were quite a few spots of it. He shouted, “Someone call the police, there’s bird poop at Grass Lawn Park!”

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When Homer’s cousin Crissa, and her boyfriend, Joe, came to town, we all went out to dinner at a Thai restaurant. During dinner, Homer tried to swallow too big a bite of his Pad Thai noodles and choked. I hopped up and pulled him out of his high chair, positioning him to do the heimlich, when he gagged and threw up all over the high chair and the floor. It was pretty crazy for all of us! He talked about it to anyone who would listen for several weeks. He’d say, “I got something important to tell you. I throwed up at the Thai food place.” He would tell us daily, or Nonna, whether in person or on the phone, and anyone I chatted with, a neighbor, strangers at the park, the cashier at Trader Joe’s.

Around the same time frame, we went to Kid’s Cove at the mall, with the rubbery floor, and rubbery stuff to climb. I had tried to remind him what it was one day, by saying, “That place with all the squishy stuff to climb,” so it then became known as The Squishy Place. Well, he was playing and having fun, so I sat on the bench watching him, and a couple minutes later, I heard crying. His back was to me, so it took me a second to realize it was him! I went over and he was crying really hard, and finally I made out what he said, “A kid BITED me!”

I had to look, but looking is almost worse than the actual injury, in Homer’s eyes, so he’s screaming, “Don’t LOOK AT ME!” while I tried to inspect his wound.

It turned out that Homer hadn’t even seen who’d bitten him. It was just a crowded boat with a lot of kids trying to get past each other, and one kid objected to Homer being where he was and bit him in the back. My poor kiddo!

So, then it became, to anyone who would listen. “I got two important things to tell you…” And they’d say, “Okay,” and Homer would start walking in a circle, half muttering this story he told and re-told. “I was at the squishy place, and crawled on some things, and a kid BIT me. And my other story is… I was at the Thai place and I throwed up EVERYWHERE.”

An additional funny thing about the Thai place story is that on the drive home, Crissa, her boyfriend, Joe, and I were all talking, and Joe mentioned bartering. Homer said, “BARTER!! What’s that?”

Crissa and Joe explained, “It’s like trading.” And Homer said, “Oh I thought it was like BARFING!”

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Another night, we ordered Thai food at home and made sure to cut up the Pad Thai into much smaller pieces. Joe had a rice dish that was spicy level 4 out of 5. (They only do spicy scales from 0-5 up here in Washington, which is interesting.) Homer wanted to try a bite, so we let him. I cringed, waiting for a huge reaction. He chewed his bite, swallowed, then said, “Water.” We handed him his cup, and he drank a lot. Then put it down, sighed, and picked up his fork for another bite. He is definitely his father’s son!!! I’m glad he likes spicy food, it’s pretty awesome!

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Homer started saying, “No problemo!” in many situations. I finally realized he picked it up from his new favorite show, Justin Time. Which Homer always calls Justin in Time. 😉

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Homer saw Ashton try to lick the cat’s butt, and when I said, “Ew, Ashton, come on!”, Homer giggled and got down on the floor to try to lick Tails’s butt himself. Joe’s and my loud shouts of “NOOOOOOOO!” were only met with mischievous laughter. Oh, Homer.

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Homer had fallen asleep in the car, so I gently carried him inside and laid him in the bed. Once he was down, he opened his eyes and said, “I want to liiieee dooowwwwwwn!!!!” I said gently, “You are.” He closed his eyes and instantly fell back asleep.

My sweet, crazy kid.

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homersleeping

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Project 365 – Week 29

This week was mostly good! It’s another one in which Friday snuck up on me! Crazy! So, can I be weird and admit that I am super grateful for the change in weather? I know most people love all sun all the time, but I got a lot of that in California, so I was happy for a bit of a change of pace. It still fascinates me when it rains in the summer; it just doesn’t really seem possible! Anyway, I’m also looking forward to more sunshine before Summer turns to Fall, and we’ve got plenty of weeks left to enjoy it, which is great.

One of my favorite moments this week wasn’t even photographed. It was when, instead of going on a 6am walk, my friends and I had a 6am coffee visit together instead, and sat outside under an awning, watching the awesome rain storm together. That was honestly just SO much fun!!

Ups and downs on the dog training, child and dog potty/house training efforts, stress levels, etc. Just regular life. 🙂 I have learned that getting up early and exercising and/or meditating has really made a huge difference in my energy levels, optimism, and patience levels during the day. I may try to do this daily. I’m becoming a morning person, I think? That’s really weird for me. Highly unexpected! We’ll see. I’m also obviously a night owl, as evidenced by my writing this at 2am! But anyway… let’s get to it. My week in pictures…

Day 199 | July 18, Fri – It has been HOT, so here’s a pic of my nightly view from the couch…
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Day 200 | July 19, Sat – DAY 200, WOOT WOOOOOT!! Crazy. A sweet moment of Ashton and Homer just chilling out on the steps outside
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Day 201 | July 20, Sun – I LOVE this sweet face!!! His sweet smile makes my day, every day.
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Day 202 | July 21, Mon – My Ashton… What a sweetie. Also, taken with the Canon, woohoo! Finally using it more, and it’s great. 😀
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Day 203 | July 22, Tues – A wonderful day to go blueberry picking! I’d honestly never picked blueberries before, so it was a first for both Homer and me! It was fun!
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My sweet boy! And this was the day the weather turned. We got some grey skies, and even some raindrops. And lots of blueberries, too. Yum!
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Day 204 | July 23, Wed – Little Ashton is a year old! Well, this is one day early. Not that Ashton cares, haha! I was trying to prepare by shopping for him early and buying this specialty doggie biscuit at a local doggie shop, and well…
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We couldn’t resist. Look how cute he is!! Homer insisted we get “human cupcakes,” (of course), so we bought some mini ones, and enjoyed those too. Happy birthday, sweet Ashton!!
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Day 205 | July 24, Thurs – We spent the day with Marcus! He is now a WALKER, congrats little buddy!! He is so cute.
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And here is my crazy Homer trying to touch his tongue to a tiny handheld fan, while Marcus watches on with bemusement.
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As always, thanks for stopping by! Hope you all had a great week!

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Join us in taking a photo a day for the entire year! Visit the gracious hosts of this project if you like: Mindi from Simply Stavish, Sarah from Nurse Loves Farmer, and Stephanie from Behind the Camera and Dreaming.

Start any time, and link up every Friday:

Catch the Moment
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Homer Stories Part 2

And now, more Homer stories!

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Things overheard when Homer was playing, voicing his own characters:

“You’re taking me to the hostable!” (hospital)

“Okay, let’s go eat broccoli now!”

“No, no, he’ll only do it if you ask nicely.”

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Homer goes through phases of using a new word a lot, often incorrectly, which is really funny. But then he ends up getting the hang of it. Recently, it was “usually.” Like, I’d say, “Okay, are you ready to go to the store?” and he’d say, “Not usually.”

While we were playing with the Mario Bros. dolls, Homer said, “Let’s be in Kamek’s tower! We’re not usually captured. There’s a cage in it!” I think he meant we would be captured… It was a little confusing!

Speaking of confusing, we had a lot of frustration from him and me both before I figured out that he confuses the meanings of “before” and “after.”

“I want to go to the park AFTER the grocery store.”

“Right,” I’d say. “We’re going to the grocery store. Then the park.”

“NO, go to the park AFFTEERRRRRR!!!”

Me: ???!!

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We were waiting to be seated at a restaurant, and Homer climbed into my mom’s lap. He touched her neck gently and said, “Wow, Nonna, your neck is so soft…” Then added, “I really like your nipple!” (a small mole she has at the base of her neck)

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Out of the blue one day, Homer muttered in a frustrated tone, “That fuckin’ cyclops.”

“WHAT?!” I said.

He repeated it. Yep, that’s what he said! I think it was from a cyclops in Skylanders. It was really funny, but I did explain that that is NOT a word he should be saying.

He’s usually pretty amazing about that, though. If Joe or I slip up and let out a “bad” word, Homer says, “Oh, don’t say that!” He’s awesome.

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One night we ordered pizza, and when they knocked on the door, Homer said, “I wanna say hi!” as I went to answer the door.

So he came with me, and we opened the door and Homer said, “Hi, I’m Homer!” and the guy said hi to him, too. I signed for it, got our pizza, and shut the door. As I brought the pizza into the living room, Homer shouted with glee, “That was SUPER FREAKING AWESOME!”

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While eating, Homer looked at the table, his cup beyond his plate and asked me, “How can I get my drink so I can reach it?”

I explained as I rearranged a couple items, “Well, just move your spoon over here and then move your drink right down here.”

He said excitedly, “WHOA, I didn’t know I could do THAT!!”

I love those moments when the littlest things make you feel like some kind of superhero!

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Watching Ashton and Tails play, and then take a break, Homer narrated, “Oh. They stopped! Just give them a second, and they’ll cuh-ti-you.” (continue) That was the first time I’d heard him use that word, too! I love when he busts out with words I don’t expect to hear!

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When I ask him to hand me something, Homer will often do it and then say, “Here you go, my lady!” It is the cutest! He has also called me “my little lady,” “my son*,” and “my Highness.” I could get used to this…

*That one was especially cute because I call him that all the time, and he must just think it’s a term of endearment for anyone, which is just sweet.

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Homer set up a bunch of toys in front of me and said, “Meet my friends! Oatmeal, Uncle Garth, Nonna, and Tank!” I love when he names toys after people he knows, but having “Oatmeal” in there with the rest just cracked me up!

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While watching American Idol, Joe asked, “Hey Homer, would you like to audition for American Idol?”

Homer, at his train table, responded, “No thanks, I’m busy doing stuff.”

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Homer: “I’m an ar.”
Me: *confused look*
Homer: “An ar! Ar ar ar!” *claps his hands*
Me: “Oh, a seal!”

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Homer came up to me and said, “There’s a little TINY you… And you’re in my guts!”

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We were all hanging out, Joe at his desk, me nearby in the kitchen, Homer watching Joe doing whatever it was he was doing. I think they were taking turns making crazy sounds or something, too. Joe said, “We gotta stop soon, or else we’re going to make Mommy angry.”

“Angry?” he asked.

“Yeah, and she’ll turn into The Incredible Hulk,” Joe said. “And start smashing everything.”

I laughed and so did Homer.

Joe deepened his voice and said, “You wouldn’t like her when she’s angry.”

Homer said, “Aw, yes I would! I would LOVE her!”

I love this kid!

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More soon!

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Homer Stories

One thing I never really realized before becoming a parent is that my kid would make me laugh every single day. That’s including the days he drives me bonkers, as well! (Sometimes it’s even while he’s driving me bonkers!) People always say, “Oh man, you’ve got to write these things down!” And I do try, but sometimes the days get away from me, or it’ll be night time and I’ll say, oh no, what was it he said that made me laugh SO hard earlier?? I made a brief list of things I jotted down, little lines to help me remember conversations, and now I’m making this entry before I forget what any of it means. Without further ado, here are some recent conversations with Homer…

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One day, Homer asked where we were going, and I said, “Do you want to go to the park?”

He replied, “YEAH-uh, bay-buhs!!” I don’t know where he heard that particular pronunciation of “yeah babies” but it made me laugh a lot!

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Homer was recounting something that had happened with the crows outside (probably repeating the story of the crow who stole our bag of dried mangoes at the zoo!), and said, “You know.. the crows.. with their.. the, uh.. pointy noses?” So then I taught him the word “beak.” It was cute how he improvised when he didn’t know the word, though!

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Joe was doing something in the next room, playing a loud video game, I think. I knew we were getting ready for bed time, and I sighed in frustration. Before I knew it, Homer ran out of the room, ran up to Joe and said, “Daddy, you have to stop doing that. It’s bothering Mommy!!” I hadn’t said anything, but Homer knows what’s going on, haha!

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When Tails pooped in the bath tub, I grabbed some toilet paper to clean it up. Homer heard Joe’s CPAP machine noise, the sound it makes when Joe takes it off, so he knew Joe was waking up. He ran up to him, shouting, “Daddy, Daddy! Tails pooped in my bath tub!!”

I heard Joe respond, but not what he said. No worries, Homer was on it. He ran back to me, shouting, “Mommy!! Daddy says Tails is SICK!”

“No, he’s not sick, buddy. His litter box is a bit dirty, and he just does this sometimes.”

He ran back to Joe. “DADDY!!! Tails isn’t sick!! He just doesn’t like his dirty litter box!”

Later, when Joe and I replayed the conversation amongst ourselves, we realized we’d thought each other had told him what to say, but we hadn’t. We were just responding to him, and then he was relaying the information. In fact, Joe had only said, “Oh, well maybe it’s because he’s been feeling sick lately?” And that turned into Homer saying, “Daddy says he’s SICk!” haha!!

It was just so funny how excited he got over the whole situation, amazed that Tails had pooped in the tub, I guess.

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Joe told me that one night he was watching tv, and Homer had been getting ready for bed time with me. He sneaked away to go see what Joe was doing, and stood behind the couch, and surprised Joe, who’d just watched a commercial for something spooky. Maybe it was an ad for The Walking Dead or something like that. And Homer just said calmly and seriously, “I don’t think I should have watched that.”

He’s funny about that self-censoring stuff. On a different night, he saw a snippet of that Paul Rudd movie, “This is 40,” and they were using a lot of profanity. Homer asked, “Is this a Mommy and Daddy show? Not for kids?” We said yeah, it probably was, and he said, “Oh I shouldn’t watch it.”

“Right,” we said.

“But I did,” he added.

We laughed and said it was fine, but he probably shouldn’t watch anymore, so I led him back to brush his teeth and go to bed. This always happens at bed time, apparently!

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While driving to the park, I heard Homer say to Ashton, “You’re mine. You’re mine! Awww… Just a few more kisses? Just a few more kisses?” and then he giggled. He said to me proudly, “Mommy! I’m his best friend!”

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After tripping earlier in the day, Homer was looking at the scratches on his knee. “Sorry I hurted myself,” he said.

“Oh honey, don’t be sorry, it’s okay.”

“I am sorry. I might have hurted myself forever and then I’ll have to go to jail!”

Where does he get this stuff? The saying sorry stuff must come from me saying, “Oh I’m sorry you hurt yourself,” to which he thinks he also needs to say sorry. Oops. But going to jail?! I have no idea…

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Homer has an awesome medical set that he got for Christmas from the wonderful Sarah, Gil, and Marcus. 🙂 One day, he put on his stethoscope and walked up to me saying in his most serious voice. “Hello. I am the doctor. Where is your heart?”

LOL! Uh.. I want a new doctor!!

After my examination, he told me, “Your heart is not bumping. These fire arrows will help you.” Then he picked up his bow and arrow set!

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Many more stories to come! Hope you enjoyed these!