Homer Stories Part 4

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More Homer stories! Here we go!

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One of the tires in our car had a slow leak, and for a week or two, I put new air in the tire every 4 days, until we finally got a set of new tires. Until we did, though, Homer became familiar with my saying the car needed air. One day, he said, “Mommy, I’m going to help put new air in the car!”

“Oh, you are? Okay, baby!” I said, opening his door.

As he got in, he surprised me by taking deep breaths and blowing them out really quickly. I like that he thought blowing his breath into the car is just what it needed!

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When we meet up with friends at various play places, sometimes he spontaneously goes over and hugs his friends. SO sweet!

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Before heading over to Kids’ Cove again (aka, the squishy place), Homer had asked if he could be “Super naked,” there. This is as opposed to “diaper naked.” Super naked means fully naked, of course. I said, no, that being super naked was just for at home. When we got to Kids’ Cove, he pointed at the sign of all the rules and said, “See? That says, ‘Yes, naked people are allowed in the squishy place.'”

Nice try, kid!

The first time he ever did that reading-the-signs thing was when we were at Safeway and he said he didn’t want to be there. I said I know, and he just had to be patient. He pointed to a sign that said, “Tillamook Cheese, $5.99″ and said, “Mommy, see? This sign says, ‘It’s time to GO HOME!'”

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At IHOP one morning, Homer tried putting the crayons in between his fingers. Then he said to me very seriously, “I am pretending to be Wolverine, but it’s not working out.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I’m not Wolverine,” he said matter of factly.

“Well, pretending to be something doesn’t mean you really turn into it. It means you just act like something, you pretend that you’re Wolverine, or whatever you want to be, but you’re still really you.”

“Oh,” he said, brightening. “Yeah! I guess you’re right!”

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Me: Bah!!
Homer: What’s wrong, Mommy?
Me: I just can’t find my phone…
Homer: Well, just retrace your steps!
Me: (totally surprised) Oh! Okay. Actually, that’s a really good idea, thanks, Homer!
Homer: Okay. Okay. Now… WHERE was the last place you had it?
Me: (astonished) Um… Well, I know I had it in the bathroom…
Homer: Let’s check there first!

He ran off and I followed him, and there it was on the bathroom counter!

What the heck?! It turned out that he had gotten it from one of his shows, either Daniel Tiger, or Justin Time, I can’t remember which now. But it was so cute and unexpected!!! My mom always said that to me when I was a kid, so it was really funny hearing it from my own kid!

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One day, in the same day, he used “realize” and “prefer” totally correctly, and for the first time each! He said, “Oh I thought Ashton had the red leash, but I wee-a-wized it was the black one.” I love the way he says it, since his r’s and l’s are still pronounced as w’s much of the time. And then “prefer” was for a snack I think. I asked if he wanted a fruit leather and he said, “Well, I pwefer the crackers.” Hehe!

The absolute best was on the drive to take Joe to work in the morning, Joe and I were chatting away when suddenly, Homer said, “Guys! Guys, guys…”

“Yes, Homer?”

“Guys. I just wee-a-wized something. Fire. Melts. ICE!”

We laughed and said, “Yes, that’s true!”

Joe said to me softly, “Living with a three year old is like living with someone who is always high.”

And that really cracked me up!!!

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Speaking of Homer’s use of big words… During a diaper change one evening, Homer said, “No! No wipes! Stop! My butt is expensive!”

I stopped and laughed and said, “What??”

“My butt is expensive.”

“What does expensive mean?”

“It means you can’t touch it!”

Hahahaah!! How many times have I told him not to touch expensive things in the store, or my expensive camera?? Oh man. It’s amazing how they take concepts and apply them to other things!

It reminded me so much of my niece, Ruby, at this age, standing in a square of sunlight on her kitchen floor. “You can see right through me!” she said.

“Yeah, wow!”

“I’m eff-ih-den.”

“What?”

“Daddy, what’s that word? From Madeleine?”

“Oh, evident!” my brother, Wyatt, said. And then he explained to me that he had told her it means, “clear.” Like, “it’s clear that this is true.” Evident. But she meant clear, as in see-through clear. So amazing, I love it!

“My butt is expensive,” is not as refined an example as Ruby’s use of evident, but hey, each kid is a little different!! ;)

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We took Ashton with us to Daddy’s work one day for lunch. Ashton loved Cara, one of Joe’s co-workers and rolled over for belly rubs. Homer said helpfully, “Remember: don’t touch his penis!”

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One time while I was in the shower, Homer came up and said, “Mommy will you make me eggs?”

“Sure, when I get out of here,” I said.

“Oh. ‘Cause I want eggs.”

I peeked out of the shower door and he was holding a fresh carton of a dozen eggs in his hands. I asked him to put them *carefully* back in the refrigerator, and luckily, he did. Whew!

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Another time, I was on the toilet, and Homer barged in, saying, “Mommy!! You have to rescue Princess Peach and Mario!” (his dolls)

“Oh. Well.. I can’t right now. You go rescue them!”

“Mommy! I can’t! You’re the only one they trust!!!”

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